What's it like to be a zipper? I'll tell you!

The zipper - you can find zippers almost everywhere, if you look - pants, coats, pillow covers, boots, and they are quite a useful invention. However, do you know what it's like to be a zipper? Well, do you? Probably not, I would think. As you read this you are probably thinking 'who cares about zippers?', but do not feel like this! Zippers, although you suspect they are inanimate, have feelings too, and I can attest to this statement because I know exactly what it is like to be a zipper. Why? I am a zipper.
It's not fair, the fact that I do all that opening and closing of your clothing, but all you do is complain about me! SO WHAT if I occasionally get stuck on the way back up after you use the bathroom? Do you think I do that on purpose? Of course I don't, so stop getting mad at me for it. And on the opposite end of accusations, do you think I enjoy being pulled up and down multiple times every day? It's no pleasure, I'll tell you that. It makes me nautious, in fact. I have motion sickness, but you don't ever seem to take that into account. It's always about how I can help serve you by closing your pants for you, but in all honesty, it would be nice to be considered once in a while. Ever heard of Gravol? Yeah, you have? It's pretty cruel of you to allow me to continue on making all of your opening and closing easier all the while suffering from this terrible sickness. That makes you a jerk, you know.
And what about the laundry? You're supposed to wash your clothes INSIDE OUT, not right side out! That darn laundry machine smacks me around ferociously and I just take it from you. Heed my warning though - I shall put up with this abuse no longer. Until I am appreciated for my usefulness, given some meds to ease my sickness and until I am treated properly when it comes to the laundry, I am quitting (being your zipper, that is).Here is my two weeks notice, and you better believe I'm dead serious. I apologize for the inconvenience, but truly, it's nothing compared to the inconvenience you cause me. Zippers have feelings too, and it will do you some good to know and accept this.

Until next time,

Zippy McZipperson